So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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