i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
