Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want nice things and good sex
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
