the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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