wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
