just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
