Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
