those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
