I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize