3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize