O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
