Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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