You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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