can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
