Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
