Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
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