No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
