She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
