Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
