Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
