You work out of a Hotel?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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