He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
