So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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