Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
