I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
