$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
