So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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