I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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