the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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