Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
