I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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