i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
