You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
