Your dad touched me again.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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