I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize