while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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