Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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