dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
