You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
