I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
