Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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