I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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