When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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