puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
