M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize