they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
