This girl is more easily done than said...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
