I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
