Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
