I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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