Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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