For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
