He is such a slut. More and more my type.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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