So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize