go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
