i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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