so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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