i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize