how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
