i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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