There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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