This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
