It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
