suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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