I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just forgot I was standing up.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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