God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
