so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
