if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
