i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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