We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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