i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
