What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You're like the curious george of whores
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
