i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
