erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
