Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
