I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
