can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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