I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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