went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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