I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
