NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
