im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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