Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
