somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
