Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize