whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ttyl tear gas
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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