TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
