I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I will be naked everywhere
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
