"it" just moved
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
