i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
