weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
And then the night went full on bisexual.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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