I wish I could punch you in the face.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
