Porn is love you can see.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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