This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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