can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
