you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
