I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I party with great urgency now.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
